Month: September 2019

Common thoughts of the emotionally dependent

Common thoughts of the emotionally dependent
Emotional dependency is a vulnerability

Are you emotionally dependent? If you struggle with low self-esteem and excessive worrying, there is a high probability that you are. Emotional dependency is a vulnerability of those who did not receive enough unconditional love in childhood so to build a solid sense of safety and self-worth. Because they lack self-esteem and that all important inner sense of safety, they become addicted to the approval of others in order to feel at ease with themselves and in the context of relationships. To find out if that fits your profile, here are common thoughts of the emotionally dependent:

“I often worry about what other people think of what I say and do”

“I need reassurance that I am doing the right thing, otherwise, I feel insecure”

“It is hard for me to truly know what is best for me”

“I try my best to make people feel good around me”

“I check in with others first, before making a decision”

“I tend to feel ashamed of myself when I make a mistake”

“If I do not get positive feedback when I do well, I feel extremely disappointed”

“I have been let down by a great number of people”

“I worry and feel guilty when I am not able to be there for others and make them happy”

“I do not trust my own feelings”

“I feel very ashamed and resentful when I am given criticism, even when I am aware that it is constructive”

“I make an effort to be liked”

“I love helping others and making them feel happy”

“When people are not OK around me, I think it is because of something I may have said or done wrong”

“I often do not know if I am doing what is right for me, or if it is what I truly want”

“I try to avoid confrontation because it makes me nervous”

“I am afraid of making mistakes and disappointing others”

“I put others’ need before mine, even when I do not want to”

“I would love to be able to trust and value myself”

“I feel more relaxed when others take the lead”

“I always try to do my best”

“When I say no, I feel guilty”

As with any type of dependency, healing is viable through true emotional freedom. To achieve emotional autonomy and self-confidence, it is essential that you learn how to be yourself, regardless of the consequences. As simple as that sounds, converting that into action requires great courage. That is because in Western culture, authenticity often requires a fearless attitude. Practice increasing you discomfort tolerance and tell yourself you can stand and overcome the anxiety, guilt and shame that arise from honouring your own feelings, interests and boundaries. As painful and as difficult as that may seem, your end goal makes it all worth it. After all, there is nothing more rewarding than living your own life and enjoying authentic self-expression.