Month: <span>December 2020</span>

Grieving 2020’s losses

Grieving 2020s losses
When we do not process significant losses, we struggle to move on

Most people would agree that 2020 was a challenging year. Some might even express their discontent more strongly and state that it was “a terrible year”, or “the worst year ever”. Referring to the year just gone in such a negative fashion unavoidably leads to high expectations for 2021. But what if the changes we are anxiously expecting do not materialise as soon as we would have liked? Are we emotionally prepared to accept the circumstances in a more patient, centred manner?

For the majority, the answer is no.  That is because most of us have not grieved 2020’s losses yet. When we do not process significant losses, we struggle to move on. If the concept of grieving last year’s losses feels too abstract to you, imagine 2020 as a life changing event such as moving in with someone you love. Before the move, both of you plan everything together, excitingly. You envision a cosy and beautiful place you have created together. You see friends coming over for dinner and having a wonderful time. Then, as you are getting ready for the big move, one of you loses their job and the other gets diagnosed with a serious illness. Suddenly, you are forced to put everything on hold. And, what is worse, you have no means of predicting when things will get better or if you will ever be able to make that dream come true any time soon.

Such losses make us very sad and very, very angry. Because we were raised in a culture of emotional neglect, however, neither of these emotions are addressed and dealt with in a healthy fashion. Despite not connecting and processing them adequately, we do feel them, make no mistake. Even though emotion phobia is so prevalent, the sadness and anger we carry remain stored in our bodies, which tends to damage not only our emotional, but also our physical health. With regards to relationships, life dissatisfaction and built-up anger are usually projected onto others, an unconscious process which also damages their quality.

Therefore, if you want to face 2021 with a fresh attitude and protect the health of your relationships, I highly recommend fully grieving 2020’s losses, such as the missed opportunities of moving and interacting with others freely, travelling, meeting up with friends and family, socialising with colleagues and neighbours, dating, meeting new people and making new friends, finding a new job, moving and all the other activities and events that colour our existence. If you need help processing any type of loss, please keep on reading the following articles:

How to process emotional pain

5 self-soothing techniques for healthy grief processing